Expert Reveals Simple Sentences to Become a Recipe for a Lasting Marriage

Jakarta, CNBC Indonesia – Many couples fail to maintain a marital relationship. In fact, according to psychologists, the recipe for a lasting marriage is actually simple.

Psychologist Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman of Love Lab claims to have studied more than 40,000 couples who were about to start couples therapy. From his studies, he discovered a secret that couples can practice so that their marriage relationship lasts.

Even though each relationship is unique and has its own challenges, they both see one thing that all couples have in common, namely the feeling of wanting to be appreciated and recognized for their existence and efforts.

After researching many couples, Gottman found that the word that is effective in making a relationship last is thank you.

“The No. 1 phrase in a successful relationship: 'Thank you,'” the two said.

“All relationships require genuine appreciation, where we are as good at noticing the things our partners do right as we are at what they do wrong,” Gottman writes.

However, they warn that it is very easy to damage a relationship if we only see our partner's shortcomings. Gottman also suggests that couples get rid of this toxic thought pattern by scanning for positive things and starting to say “thank you.”

So, how do you get into the mindset of appreciating your partner.

“You probably say 'thank you' all day long, almost without thinking, to your colleagues, to the bag guy at the supermarket, or to the stranger who holds the door open for you. But in our most intimate relationships, we can forget how important it is to say 'thank you',” they said.

According to Gottman, when one party starts the habit of saying thank you, it becomes easy for the other person to follow suit and make it a habit.

These two love psychologists suggest that couples start the following two steps:

Step 1: Observe your partner

Keep an eye on your partner whenever you can. Observe your partner. Write down what they do, especially the positive things! Don't write down the negative things, like ignoring the wet towel.

Notice that they wash the dishes after breakfast, take your phone calls, pick up the toys scattered around the living room, and make you coffee.

You don't need to hide the fact that you are spying. You can tell your partner that you are observing them to better understand their day, and everything they do.

Their behavior won't change much just by knowing that you're watching.

Step 2: Say “thank you.”

Thank them for the routines they do right, even in small ways, even if they do them every day.

But don't just say thank you, like “Hey, thanks.” You should also tell them why that little thing means a lot to you. For example, “thank you for making coffee every morning. I love waking up to the smell of coffee and the sound of you in the kitchen. Your coffee makes me start the day excited.”

[Gambas:Video CNBC]

(hsy/hsy)