Jakarta, CNBC Indonesia – Parents are the first 'school' for every child. Because their brains are still developing like sponges, children are very responsive and pay attention to every movement and words of their parents.
They learn by observing and imitating the behavior, actions, values, beliefs and even expressions of their parents. When children grow up, the first people they imitate in their lives are their parents. Therefore, as parents you must act responsibly when we are around children.
Launch Parents, There are 10 sentences that parents are prohibited from saying to their children.
1. Good Job or You Are Great
Praise such as 'you are a good child' or 'good job' when a child succeeds in doing something is not very nice to say. Based on research, these words can make children dependent on other people's praise rather than their own motivation.
Jenn Berman, who is a parent advisor and author of the book The A to Z Guide to Raising Happy Confident Kids, said parents should give praise when it is appropriate. This includes adding clear information when giving praise.
For example, say “That was a great assist. Mom/Dad likes how you look for your teammates.” Not just saying “Great game”.
2. Practice is the key to perfection
Speech that encourages children to practice can increase the pressure to excel or win. This sentence can also be interpreted as when a child fails because he does not practice hard.
“This sentence implies that if you make mistakes, it means you are not training hard enough,” the authors say 101 Ways to Be a Terrific Sports Parent, Joel Fish.
Parents can encourage their children to work hard on the grounds that they will improve and be proud of their progress.
3. Don't cry
The phrase “don't cry” is often said to children who are injured or cry when they fall. Even though this sentence didn't help them feel better, because Berman said the children cried because they weren't okay.
Parents should help children understand and deal with their emotions, not ignore them. “Try giving your child a hug and acknowledging what they are feeling by asking if they want treatment, a kiss, or both,” he said.
4. Hurry!
A quick 'hurry!' “To encourage children to move quickly will actually increase stress,” said Linda Acredelo, who is the assistant writer of Baby Minds. Parents can replace it with the sentence 'come on, finish it quickly' in a soft tone.
“This sentence signals that you are on the same team as the child,” says Acredolo.
5. Father/mother is on a diet
Parents should not show that they are dieting in front of their children. This message was conveyed by professor of pediatrics and epidemiology at Nassau University Medical Center, in East Meadow, New York, Marc S. Jacobson.
Children who see their parents weigh themselves every day and hear things like being overweight can make them develop an unhealthy body image.
6. Father/mother cannot afford it
Avoid saying 'no money' when your child asks for an expensive toy. This sentence suggests that parents are unable to control their finances.
Parents can replace it with the sentence “We won't buy it because we are saving money for more important things,” said Jayne Pearl, author of Kids and Money.
However, when children insist on buying it, parents can start a conversation about setting a budget and also managing finances.
7. Don't talk to strangers
It turns out that the prohibition on talking to strangers is also not good for children. Because the executive director of the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children, Nancy McBride, said that this concept is not yet understood by young children.
Children may perceive unfamiliar people as evil strangers. In addition, it can mean refusing help from unknown police officers or firefighters.
Parents can pose scenarios such as: “If a stranger offers you candy and an invitation to come home, what should you do?”
8. Be careful
It turns out that the word 'careful' cannot be said to children either. The author of Baby Knows Best, Deborah Carlisle Solomon, said these words will distract the child from what is being done.
If you are afraid, you can move closer to your child while playing to keep him from falling. Remain still and calm while watching them.
9. You can't have a snack if you don't finish the food
Sometimes parents threaten children to finish their food so they can get snacks or snacks. But director of the New Balance Foundation Obesity Prevention Center at Boston Children's Hospital and author of Ending the Food Fight, David Ludwig, said such remarks will increase children's value on desserts and reduce satisfaction with main meals.
So pay attention to your sentences and replace them with “First, we eat the main meal. Then, we can have dessert.”
10. Here, Mom/Dad, help
The help offered by parents is also not good for children. Let children solve their own problems to help them be independent.
“However, if you intervene too quickly, it can reduce a child's sense of independence,” says professor emeritus of psychology at Drexel University in Philadelphia and author of Raising a Thinking Child, Myrna Shure.
Parents can still help their children, but replace it with questions that guide them to solve problems.
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